Discovery

Hello from Missoula, Montana. This is Day 5 of a six day photography workshop at the Rocky Mountain School of Photography and I am practically buzzing with all I've learned. What a great experience this week has been so far.

I have been pushed in ways I had not yet imagined...which is, I guess the beauty of putting ones self 'out there'.  The pay off of paying attention to an urge. A dream. An intuition. Of listening to what makes you happy. Of taking a risk.

The truth is that doing what makes you happy, I have found many times over, isn't necessarily easy. The fact that there are angst inducing decisions involved....that there are times I am forced to stretch and grow and see things differently....tempts me to allow my life to remain, every day, 'as is'.  The past few days I have been busy and tired and missing my home. I've gone to sleep late,  jumped out of bed early the next morning and needed an extra cup of coffee in order to make it thorough the following afternoon. I have entered a room full of strangers and made an effort to get to know them all. I've carried heavy equipment for blocks, been caught out in rain, wind, sleet and snow for hours and managed not to fall into a rushing creek.

Has it been worth it? A definitive 'Yes'! Every single moment! I have learned to see subtleties that one week ago I may not have noticed, improved my technical skills, scrawled pages of notes and asked a lot of myself creatively. I've explored options on my camera's menu I have not used before and discovered further all the places this camera of mine can take me. I have had wonderful conversations with wonderful people. Been challenged to see and compose and shoot in new and different ways. I have defined what I'm capable of...... and realized I'm capable of even more than that. I've settled comfortably into what previously seemed...... uncomfortable.

I have fallen into bed happy each night. Challenged and fulfilled and encouraged and wanting more and more and more of this. And feeling, most importantly, that the pursuit of continually learning and improving my photographic skills is the absolute right path for me to be on.

Wishing you a wonderful week of your own kinds of discoveries!

Warmly, Margaret

Here

Is it possible to be in love with a place? To have somewhere that you want to go to and be with often? Where it is YOU who shows up, YOU that is greeted on the sidewalks and coffee shops and grocery stores? Where the other versions of yourself are left behind and the essence of your person, that person who you envision yourself to be, is the only one walking around?

When I travel I am rarely the Mom, the bill payer, the grocery shopper, the cook, the planner or the organizer.  Sometimes I'm not even the writer or the photographer, although often during visits to this place my mind and schedule are cleared and I am able to be those things even more so. When those that we meet in this small town ask what I do, that is what I tell them. For some reason I can define myself more easily this way here than I can when I'm at home. Am I more brave here? Less intimidated at having to explain that being a writer and photographer doesn't always mean a paycheck? That knitting words and capturing moments and creating and making is a way of life?

When we're away, in this place that I love, I often forget about makeup and wear my hair in a ponytail. Jeans and hiking boots or snow boots feel best. I might try out different clothes and jewelry, or a look that those who know me at home aren't used to........cowboy boots or an enormous scarf made of granny squares.

I love it because I fit things into my day that I otherwise don't always make time for......like listening for the train to whistle and rumble on its tracks around the lake and how this noise echos off surrounding hills and mountains. Like sleeping in, or waking up extra early in order to see the sun color the ice on the lake or the snow on the peaks deep rose and pink and yellow. Marc and I sip coffee in a small local shop, people watch and talk about nothing.....no problem solving allowed. Walk forty-five minutes into town for breakfast at a cafe where local artists and photographers display their work on brick walls, and then back again......no hurry. Chat with the owner of a sled dog team and his friendly, eager dogs. Taste the variety of brews served up in the local brewery, and watch as boarders and skiers  fresh off the mountain, populate bar stools one by one, red faced and sharing the best parts of their day. ("I'm convinced it's not the pow that brings them up the hill....it's the sun, dude....") Sit and read or knit all day with no other agenda. No urgency to cram in a few pages or rows before being interrupted by the phone or the front door or the appointments on the calendar.

This is a town that still looks like Christmas until after their Winter Carnival in February. That hosts the Skijoring World Championships. Where shopkeepers and business owners and their employees......and many others that I meet...... live because they want to. Because they all landed here one way or the other, loved it and stayed. Because, although in this economy, it may not offer them a chance to get rich and spend money, it offers them a chance to spend time.

Do I love it because it is a place in which I can vacate the schedules and busy-ness of my daily life near a big city? Or because this is more what I would like my daily life to be.

Here there are deep breathes of icy air in the winter and warm fragrant ones in the summer. And if the boys are with us, I watch them do the same things, too. And breathe.......

Wishing you a wonderful week!

Warmly, Margaret

Cool.

So, a couple of days ago I was sitting around with my nineteen year old and two of his friends. We're in Montana for the week, and since where we stay is within sight of Big Mountain, the three of them made the drive north for the weekend to get some time in on their boards. After sharing cool stories about a great day spent taking advantage of fresh, deep powder, and right in front of his friends, he very coolly said, "Hey Mom...if an old band comes to Seattle, you and dad should let me know and I can come home so we can all go together."

I  looked up from my knitting......which may or may not be interpreted as a cool activity by this crowd......and said, "Like how old?"

He answered without hesitation. "Bruce Springsteen or James Taylor. You know....someone that you and dad would want to go see."

Did you catch that, too?? My son just offered to go see The Boss with me?! And later on that day, I overheard him mention the same thing to his dad.  And all with a smile on his face. Not an ounce of holding back for the benefit of his friends.

This empty nest thing....this having kids leave home thing: I sure hope I haven't made it seem any easier than it really is. I sure hope that because I've enjoyed sharing the good parts....the parts that make my eyes tear up with pride and my heart nearly burst with love, that I have in any way sugar-coated the experiences involved. Because it IS difficult.  Even when I know without a doubt that each of my boys are doing exactly what it is that they should be doing......whatever it is that they NEED to do be doing......to become the autonomous, self reliant, independently functioning adults that they are supposed to become, it is still sometimes difficult.

Put simply: No matter how logically I understand that life is moving forward as it should......and that this moving forward is all normal, right and good......it still kind of sucks (I actually don't LIKE that word, but sometimes it just fits) when your kids grow up and leave home. When they now live far away and you pretty much know they aren't thinking about you even one one-millionth of the number of times you are thinking about them. And worrying about them. And of course, they shouldn't be.

And it makes you wonder: Will we stay close? Become close again? Even closer? What will our relationship be like now? What will it evolve into in the future? To what extent will I, his dad, his family, remain a part of his life? Will any of them ever think I know what I'm talking about? That some of my advice is actually pretty good?

At my most patient, I quietly stand back, observe and feel proud. I allow and encourage the process to unfold as the universe intends. At my most anxious, I want to call or text or give helpful suggestions or ask helpful questions in order to grasp hold of just how this 'growing up-and-becoming-an-adult-thing' is progressing so far.  Sometimes I want up to the minutes details. Personally, I think I'm doing great at remaining on the 'patient observer' side of the line. I'm pretty sure, however, that each of my boys thinks I ask far too many questions.

So back to Bruce.......

"Hmmmm, " I nodded.

"Sounds great.........." I said, while attempting to still remain somewhere within the boundaries of cool. While forcing a too-big smile from escaping and ruining the moment. While holding myself back from running up the stairs and spilling to Marc that 'if an acceptably good concert comes to Seattle, our kid just offered in front of his friends to come all the way home and go rock out with his parents!! And if an acceptably good concert DOES come to Seattle, should we have him drive home or fly? Oh and by the way...... he's been wearing the hat I knit for him for Christmas and even told his friends that I made
it!!........."

But I managed to stay there.....within those boundaries.....

Sometimes this empty nest thing......it's not so bad. As it turns out, they still want to be  a part of the nest, they just need some time and space in order to figure that out.
  
Wishing you a wonderful week in your own nest....wherever that may be.

Warmly,

Margaret

Their Turf

We've spent some pretty special weekends during the past six years with each of our boys on their college campuses. They've taken a bit of planning on our parts, what with arranging time off work and travel plans. The older boys started college when Joey was a high school freshman, so during those years we needed to line up places for him to stay, and rides to and from football practices and games before he could drive. There were hotel  and dinner reservations to make, football or concert tickets to secure, activities to think about and weather to plan for.  I often cooked or baked something to bring along so they each could enjoy a taste of home. We otherwise loaded the car with seasonal items such as coats, hats, gloves and boots; things they may have overlooked as they packed up during a warm week in August.

These weekends took some planning on the boys parts as well. For as excited as we were to go see them, they seemed appreciative and genuinely happy when we showed up. It was obvious that they put some thought into what we would do. They showed us around campus and around town. We were introduced to their friends, their friends parents and their professors. To good music and cool cafes. They showed us the best places to get hot dogs, sub sandwiches, burritos, steaks, burgers, pancakes, pizza, cups of coffee or great beer. We saw where they lived, studied, hiked and played. We were able to experience snapshots of their college town and campus life.

Looking back, it's been fun to see that traditions have formed surrounding these weekends. We have almost always done certain things or eaten at certain places from year to year. There are requisite parental runs to Costco, Walmart and Target. Trips to the mall or REI. Marc and I have both found things around their towns or on their campuses that we enjoy doing while the boys are in class, taking a nap or otherwise engaged.

I had kind of a lump in my throat during the last weekend I spent with Patrick before he graduated. At his school they have separate Mom and Dad Weekend's, so Marc and I were each able to have a couple days of good one-on-one time with him each year. At the University of Montana, where both Peter and Joey attend(ed), it's a Family Weekend. Last weekend was Joey's second. Just a couple more to go and I will have a lump in my throat about that campus, too. Peter was such a great sport. Although he still lives in Missoula, he kept reminding us that it was Joey's turn, allowing and encouraging his brother to make the plans and call the shots.

What a great opportunity for parents to see the adults that their children are becoming. We've returned home each time feeling so proud. I'm hoping they want to continue with some kind of similar weekend tradition, even after graduation.

On the website Make It Missoula I wrote about......you guessed it.....Family Weekend this week. To look at some photos and take a quick read, click here: GRIZ Family Weekend


Wishing you a wonderful weekend!

Warmly,

Margaret

Home Again

A short piece I wrote about adjusting to the fact that my children are now adults was published at www.mamalode.com yesterday, which was kind of funny timing.  It was posted on the day we were returning to a newly 'emptied nest' after a trip to Missoula to visit Peter and Joey. The day a moving van picked up the rest of Patrick's things, and that he boarded a plane to go live in Indianapolis 'for good'. Timing......

Here is the link. Hope you will check it out:

http://www.mamalode.com/blog/2011/10/17/almost-there/#more-7647

After a couple stops, one at Hudson's Hamburgers in Coeur D'Alene for lunch and one to visit with my parents, we returned home tired, but happy nonetheless. It was a great trip but good to be home. The dog was so happy to see us.

We have heard mention of Hudson's quite a few times and have often talked about stopping in to try one of their famous burgers. On this trip, however, we were actually hungry at the same time we passed through! 

If you decide to stop in, this is what you will get: an uncomplicated menu, a good burger and 104 years of family tradition. There are few choices and I believe the current menu is the same as the original. Hamburgers, cheeseburgers, and egg or ham and egg sandwiches. Burger patties are formed and cooked, and pickles and onions sliced on the other side of the counter......the only seating in this small place. I loved it. The cook was the original owner's great grandson.

Good. Simple. Family.

The drive home from start to finish was beautiful. Fall colors on both Lolo and Fourth of July Passes were stunning. Aspen shimmered and glowed golden, and underbrush flamed shades of red and orange. At this point, the larch are barely beginning to turn......just a few shades lighter......but by next week the hillsides should look like a massive a quilt of green and gold.

Once we hit central Washington, the sunset seemed to last forever. The trees, old barns, horses, cattle and farmland that we passed were set against a backdrop of deep blue and pink. Long wisps of clouds looked painted onto the evening sky and we watched the foreground turn into black silhouettes against it.  No time to stop for pictures,  just enjoying the memory.

Wishing you a wonderful week ahead......

Warmly,

Margaret

The Way It Goes

We're planning a Road Trip to Missoula to visit Peter and Joey. Life has been somewhat of a whirlwind these days as far as our family is concerned.....our front door seemingly in constant motion with all of the comings and goings. No longer is the time we spend with each other predictable. Gone are the days with schedules; knowing what time the boys will get up, leave or come home on a daily basis. When I know exactly when or if  they will be able to show up. Jobs, school, opportunities......It's a different stage of life and any attempts at predictability are futile..

We see each other when it's possible with no expectations. Each visit will be made the best of.  As it turns out, the one who now lives the farthest away will be home for a few days while we are in a different state visiting his brothers. When we return, we'll see him for just a few minutes, if at all.

We're home, they're not. They're home.....we're not. Our relationships are about love, priorities and timing. Appreciating each visit for what it is. Being thankful that we live in an age where long distance communication is fast, inexpensive and easy. 

And that's the way it goes......

Wishing you a wonderful weekend!

XO, Margaret

PS. You can read about my love of a good Road Trip , specifically our trips to Missoula MT, here!

A Couple Favorites

A few things have gone on this past month and I wrote about a couple of them for the website Make It Missoula.

First, we moved Joey back to Missoula for his second year at the University of Montana. I love that place. The school is such a good fit for him and he's happy there. As a parent, I couldn't ask for more and am so thankful. Hard not to think about This Time Last Year when we moved him in for the first time. Always a little hard to let go.....

I also wrote about a favorite place we've been visiting for years, Big Dipper Ice Cream. Super tasty scoops, homemade in small batches......and the flavors range from the traditional to the very nontraditional. Always fun to check in with them when we're in town and see what they've come up with! A couple of my favorites: Tangerine Sorbet and Chocolate Espresso Chip. Thank goodness we walk a lot while we're there!

Hope you'll take a quick read! I've provided the links.

Cheers!
Margaret

Nineteen

I had a few things going on last week, not the least of which was packing up the Suburban to help my youngest settle into his sophomore year of college in Missoula. He moved in to a rental house this year and unlike the small rectangle of a dorm room he inhabited last year, there is quite a bit more space. Quite a bit more space meant traveling with quite a few more things in order to help furnish a kitchen, a living room, a back yard and a bedroom. We got out of town at the time we planned (somewhat unusual for us...) and moved across the state carrying clothes in a suitcase, in bags and on hangars. We carried sheets, towels, mixing bowls, kitchen utensils, plates, cups, bowls, chairs and his bike. There were important items from Costco and Target runs we had made before the trip, as well as a few things from home we managed to fit in for his brother who lives there full time.

What we couldn't find room for greeted me in the entry way as soon as I returned home and will have to be carted over next time. They are items that aren't necessary at this point in the year anyway...like his snowboard gear and a couple more chairs. We did forget and leave the cardboard tube of posters behind, however. He thinks it's pretty urgent that they are sent over ASAP.

You know how you can learn a lot about a person when you're in a bit of a crisis? Like how they handle their emotions under pressure. How they think on the fly. Whether they fall apart or keep it together with a cool head. If they tend to think of themselves first or whether it is just natural for them to reach out and take care of some one else.

My youngest is just an easy going and pretty helpful kid by nature, so when the fuel pump gave out as I hurtled across the state at 70 mph....I was fortunate he was in the seat next to me. Although I had to wake him from a road trip induced slumber, he quickly snapped to and figured out what was going on much faster than I might have with a sleepy-foggy brain. As my car lost speed he reminded me to turn on the emergency flashers and motioned to those passing on our right that we needed to make it over to the wider right hand shoulder of the road. Once safely parked (if it is ever safe to be parked on the side of an interstate!), he used his smart phone to look up hotels and repair shops in the nearest town while I was on mine with AAA. He helped me talk through the decision to be towed all the way to Spokane, which although it would be more expensive, would work out best in the long run since we could stay with my parents for free.

What really did this mom's heart good however was when after digging around in the back seat for a minute, he pulled out a small towel to keep the 90+ degree heat off my head. And that he shared ice cubes with me from the one fountain drink we traveled with. And when he unzipped his guitar from it's case, sat on the edge of the back seat and started playing one of the few tunes he knows so far. Those things.....they make a difference.

We arrived in Missoula the following day and met up with Marc and Peter a few hours later than originally planned. It all ended well. Our car is driving great. He's moved in and settled, and we had a lot of fun during our stay.

Something else that does this mom's heart good: I'm pretty sure he's OK without us. He hugged and kissed us as we left and reminded us not to be strangers....as if he needed to. Last I heard he was spending a lot of time with his friends floating the river and barbequeing in the back yard during this week before school starts. Ahhhhh......19.

Have a wonderful weekend,

Margaret

Cherries and A Favorite Cookbook

I love the abundance of fresh cherries at this time of year but have to admit that other than eating them raw, I'm not overflowing with ideas about how to use them. We're fortunate here in Washington in that we have a large local crop. When they're in season, I buy a lot. We also travel quite a bit to the Flathead Valley of Montana which is brimming with beautiful cherry blossoms in the spring and boxes of deep black-red fruit right around this time.

On one of Peter's trips home from Missoula last summer, he stopped in at my sister's in Eastern Washington to pick a huge box from her orchard. I don't can often, but wanted to preserve these. We could only eat so many before the quality went south so I spent an afternoon washing, pitting, making syrup and boiling. It was a nice way to commune with my sister who I dont' see nearly often enough. When they were finished I almost hated to put them away because the ruby colored jars were so beautiful sitting there on the counter.......although it may have had something to do with how proud I was of myself for canning. Honestly...I think I left them there for weeks! 

Last night I tried a recipe for Cherry, Basil and Mint Salad that I've been eyeing for awhile. 'Tis the season and well...I was just a bit curious how the handful of ingredients in this dish would combine.  I thought the short list of sweet, spicy and citrus sounded interesting, and besides there is hardly anything I've used fresh mint in that I didn't just love. Oh.......it was good!

As much as I'd like to give you the recipe, it is not mine to share, but I will let you know that it comes from a cookbook that's been beautifying my kitchen and table for awhile now. Tender features food ideas from local chef, Tamara Murphy. It holds uncomplicated recipes as well as chef's notes that talk about foods she chooses to purchase, cook, eat and enjoy.  Each time I page through, I feel like I want to become engaged in a long conversation with her about food! 

I'm a very visual and tactile person, so feel compelled to add that the pages are not overfilled, the font simple and easy to read, and how much I love the feel and weight of the paper. Also....the photography is so well done: Generous, helpful, subtle and interesting, and along with the content of the text, allows you to have a bit more of a relationship with this chef. 

This is a year round cookbook, for sure, but is especially wonderful with the farmer's markets in full swing. I like to stroll through armed with a few ideas, but honestly if I'm not that organized, it's nice to have a volume to peruse when I come home loaded down with whatever produce I just couldn't resist buying.

Hope you're enjoying your summer. I am......especially now that after weeks of clouds and rainy weather, the sun has decided to make an extended appearance.

Warmly,
Margaret

Missoula Saturday Morning

One of the things I love about Missoula is the town's seemingly endless variety of food, art, music, people watching and ways to spend time outdoors. We spent Saturday morning strolling downtown with Peter and his dog, Lewis. After a stop at the Missoula Art Museum to view a ceramic exhibit, we sipped coffee in the warm sun outside of Hunter's Bay and listened to music. The brew was deep, dark, aromatic and wonderful. The music, a soul filled concert on lap slide guitar and churango by a musician who I had heard play around Missoula in the past.

There are three separate Saturday Markets that span several blocks (The Clark Fork River Market, The People's Market and The Farmer's Market) so we made the rounds. Unfortunately, we had to pass on the  many fruits, veggies and other fresh offerings, because we weren't sure about them surviving the long drive home. We did end up with some yummy apricot pepper jelly and a couple of CD's, however. And a rocking chair. I deliberated for awhile about the chair and loved that while I was deciding, the artist sat down and played a tune for us on one of the cigar box guitars which he also makes and sells. I was tempted to get one of those as well, just because I thought they were so interesting and couldn't get over the fact that he made a guitar with amazing sound out of a box. But I passed. I don't even play the guitar yet. Luckily, the chair fit in the car with everything else we thought we needed to bring on this road trip.

I think Marc was seriously concerned I would bring this chicken home, too......although I'm pretty sure it was for display purposes only and not for sale.

We're back home now and looking for a place in our house for that chair, carrying it from room to room and up and down the stairs until I find out where it was meant to be. It was a good break and a great visit with Peter. I'm so proud of him and of all my boys. I could go on, but will save that for future posts.

Hope you're enjoying summer now that it's here!

Fishing

This weekend we went fishing on a small lake outside of Kalispell, Montana, just Peter, Marc and I. The other two boys had to work. Typically we choose a driftboat on a river to cast our fly rods from, but they are running high and muddy this year in western Montana, so we found a nearby lake instead. The mosquitoes were thick, hungry and ready to bite outside of our car, but as soon as we hit the water they stopped and the fish started and kept us busy for quite a few hours. Always a friendly competition in our family in which we are required to practice skill and patience. It follows this general pattern: Cast, wait, wait, cast again and again, wait some more, set the hook if you're lucky, eyeball length and weight, release and keep track. Do I have to say who won? (Not me....)

What a peaceful, billowy cloud and blue sky day. A bit breezy and the perfect temperature. So much quiet broken only by the cast of a rod, the creak of an oar, water lapping against the boat, the occasional  fish surfacing and the haunting calls of the loon on the lake.

I appreciate and know the value of this time. We've fished together since the boys were pretty young. Soaking in the simplicity of our surroundings. Focusing on the spot where the line meets the water. Enjoying each others presence. Talking or not.

A Favorite Place

There is a favorite place I love to go.  A place that alternately relaxes and energizes me. Where I become lost in thought. Encouraged. This weekend I had the chance to spend time there again, along the banks of the Clark Fork in Missoula. I love to look beyond the river at the university. To soak in the endless possibilities of being engaged in its presence. The current of hard work and direction cross over the water. The opportunity of those who just-aren’t-sure infects me. It is the kind of multi-leveled, multi-sensory atmosphere that those who are committed to learning create. 

We were in Missoula to be with our sons. One celebrated the transition from full time student to building a life there….at least for a while.  We helped another pack up and move home for the summer. The third took a few days to hang out with us before exploring his options after his own graduation last week.    

Will they put their degrees to use? Will they choose a job according to what their diploma says they studied? I’m not sure and it doesn’t necessarily matter to me.  My own degree is in Microbiology and Public Health. I worked for years in a field that was directly related….and then for years doing something else entirely.  I do, however, use what I learned every day, in everything I do and with a perspective that I may not have had otherwise.  I know that I ask different questions, dig deeper, and I hope the same thing for my boys: That they continue to want to learn.  

Along the way, we’ve heard the typical complaint questioning the necessity of taking one class or another. ‘I’ll never use this......’, to which I encourage ‘Tell me what you think in a few years.’ I enjoy art, music, history, writing, photography, cooking and travel. I have raised three kids with my husband. I can truthfully say at this point that, although I may not have wanted to take every class that was required, I do appreciate the time I spent exposed to them. They all apply….those classes that at one time I thought would not be useful.  

I don’t think I’ll ever tire of spending time looking across the moving water of the Clark Fork. It is running high……higher than I've seen it yet…….and was a little frightening in its swift transport of logs and entire trees.  This weekend instead of normally crisp, blue green whitecaps, water thundered past in softer waves, muddy and brown from churning and heaving. From collecting the input of small streams along the way. A flood watch is currently in effect and it all depends on the weather and how fast the northern Rocky Mountain snow pack melts.  Most times I find the river serene but this time it rumbled. Its rush and noise lulled me to sleep at night, but while I watched above its banks in the daytime, I was fully awake.

Rain, Rain......Go Away

Logan and I agree.....it's so dreary today! A rainy Friday and this is pretty much the energy level around here......

Thinking ahead to blue skies and warmer weather...... 

Happy Friday.....think I'll go bake something...

Pics from my week.....Montana

    We spent most of last week in western Montana and eastern Washington visiting each of the boys, my parents, a couple of friends......and each other. Some much needed 'chill' time. Maybe next year I'll head up the mountain with the boys and take a lesson.

 Downtown Whitefish, MT dressed for the holidays.

Winter is my favorite time to stay. Just couldn't get enough of watching snow fall......

and the frozen lake......

.....and walks in the snow.

Spent a few sweet moments one evening watching a little boy and his dad skate back and forth with their hockey sticks surrounded by strings of colored lights. 

And of course time at the yarn store.



We were here for breakfast. No beer that early!